Hello

My Story

I am a small business owner in Fair Oaks, CA and an alumni of UC Davis who majored in Analytic Philosophy and minored in American History.  I am Principle at PACE Family Services, Inc. since 2010 and managing officer of SANGRA LLC since 2017.  I previously worked for the Sacramento County Department of Health and Humans Services from 1998 to 2005; then, a brief period in the Sacramento County Department of Human Assistance 2005-2007 approximately.  If not for my childhood, marital experiences, and prior career experience, I would not be where I am today. I will share a bit of my life story.

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My mother was reared in a very conservative christian home who at an early age was sexually abused by her father, then at 14 years of age while at a party was drugged, raped, and impregnated by my biological father.  At that time, he was a truant 17 year who smoking marijuana, drink alcohol, and sold pot.  His street name was Sugar Man cuz he brought the "sugar" wherever he went.  From the standpoint of a conservative holiness christian pentecostal family in the 1960's, her pregnancy and involvement with my father was a complete rejection and rebellion against her upbringing. No one outside of grandmother, my mother, and her siblings new about the sexual abuse from their father and the teen pregnancy. 

 

The incest, rape, and pregnancy were hushed and secreted until 3 years after I was born.  The birth was not announced and according to family history, my mother, her siblings, and my grandmother departed from the hospital with me quietly.  At some point, during the cab ride home, a large Safeway grocery bag was opened and I was put inside. They all exited the cab ride and entered the home with me in a grocery bag. Nope. No baby shower.  There were no extended family members waiting to greet me or celebrate my homecoming. Just guilt, shame, and somber walk up the steps and in through the door. To any neighbors that may have been outside, it appeared that they had returned from shopping. Throughout the pregnancy, my mother was shamed, berated, and humiliated.    Not long after that, I was given away to close family friends to be reared. 

 

The first three years of my life were spent sleeping in a makeshift bassinet made from a dresser drawer in my foster sisters room who in a way had become my mother.   While this may seem like a pitiful beginning, i remember doted on and tenderly nurtured by the most loving people for 3 years. The first 3 years of my life were peaceful, joyous, wonderful!  I was their little prince and my kingdom was their house.  My first 3 years of memories were of being celebrated, loved, and lavished with attention by my unofficial foster parents and foster sister. They lived only a few blocks away from my mother.  Not long after my 3rd birthday, I was informed that my biological mother was coming to claim me.  Inbetween the time of her announced return and my departure, upon reflection, i recall a gloom resting on everyone.  With adult eyes, remember it being a sad time even though at that age i didn't understand what was happening.  I have vague memories of discussions about not turning me over and them asking me do I want to go.  From the moment my mother retrieved me, my life became a spiraling nightmare of verbal, emotional, and physical abuse at her hands.

 

I watched one man after another entering and exiting my mothers life as if she were a carousel. Ruckus 1st of the month parties when the welfare check arrived in the mail were frequent.. Illegal drug use. Alcohol use and drunkenness.  Missed days of school.  Smoke filled crack houses.  Brief periods of employment.  Long periods of unemployment. Lots of new live-in uncles.  Loud sex. Frequent drop offs at grandma's house where the verbal and physical abuse from her left visible and invisible marks. This went on for 13 years!  I was 15 years old when i ran away from home.  From the moment I was taken from my foster parents, my education in specific type of man began.  Of the many things i recall, it is these men coming and going and the way they treated my mother. They were intentional and predatory.  These men would enter my mother's life, make promises lies, demean her, and tell her anything she wanted to hear.  At that time, there were no resources for her to turn to nor any real efforts to address what we now call domestic violence or violence between intimate partner  Today we would say she was a victim of Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) and those men would display traits of Narcissistic Behavioral Disorder (NBD).

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Today, I counsel and coach women who are independent, educated, and empowered who are routinely conned, used, and abused by the same type of man.  The education and grooming takes place during childhood.  These men are their mothers boyfriends, or their grandfathers, fathers, uncles.  As a result of exposure to emotional neglect, mental abuse, and intimate partner violence in the formative years, many women are groomed for connection to narcissistic men.  Their upbringing may render them incapable of identifying and building healthy relationships. These are men who are skilled in identifying and exploiting vulnerabilities, may be charismatic. Skilled lovers.  Endowed with boyish innocence that stirs the maternal instinct. They prey upon smart, capable, empowered, articulate, independent, mothering women. The most choice of which are those women who are hungry for male companionship.  These are their creme' dela creme'.  This type of man is excited by the chase of a woman with high moral standards and prospect of conquest is breaking down their walls and getting them to do things out of character.  They see challenge where other men see "difficult".  They are persistent in their ardour.  That alone gets them in the door because many of the women they go after tend to have a reputation for being cold, distant, unapproachable.  These women have an idealized man in their minds so they do not brook fools or low level average.  They want a high value man.  Their pursuit of a high value man though is not based on their experience of being reared by such a man because if they were, they'd know a high value man is not often faithful man.  These fantasy unfulfilled wishes of a father figure they wish they had drive them.  Based upon that, they have an unrealistic view of manhood and are turned off by the appearance of mundane unimpressive men.  Predatory men have mastered the art of portraying the ideal and ensnaring the uninformed.

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When they are on the hunt, they have an almost 6th sense for spying out their prey.  For these people, the signs are bright and clear.  They relish the conquest as a reflection of their ego, capability, empowerment, articulation, independence, and intelligence, to offset the feelings of failure and inadequacy they carry. Instead of conquering the world, these people conquer controlling, dominating, and enslaving others. These are persons who run the gamut from average looking Henry to the high profile man.  It's a set of characteristics and traits they have in common that single them out.

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I am here to expose the predatory nature of these people to build awareness by empowering Intelligent Recognition (IRTM); and, to teach you how to not be deceived, taken in, and trapped.  To change your taste and preferences to find attractive what you have long deemed boring or average by helping you clarify your relationship goals at any given time.  Without clear goals, you may compromise your reproductive years and health.  Avoid unnecessary emotional baggage and damage.  The average Henry may too be a narcissist so the ability to identify the signs is paramount to increase emotional health and positive relationship experiences, while diminishing spiritual, emotional, and physical trauma. 

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My mission in life is to help you understand why narcissistic people win and through my story, provide you with tools to avoid wasting your time, money, and health or if you are in a relationship with a narcissistic person how to get out safely or if you decide to stay how to take your power back.